For Langwarrin dads Anthony Cignarella and John ‘JR’ Richards, every Father’s Day is a reminder of their extraordinary journey to parenthood.
“I grew up always wanting to be a parent, but always knowing that it may not be possible,” says Anthony. “At the most I was prepared to pursue being a sperm donor and be involved in some capacity. But certainly not as a parent. It was not in our wildest dreams.”
The couple have been together for 13 years and started their planned parenthood journey close to 10 years ago. At the time, the “planning” was predominantly financial – they were expecting to have to spend in excess of $200,000 for a surrogate in Canada or the USA.
It wasn’t until they befriended another couple – Dr Abbey Love and Sarah Love– that other possibilities arose.
“They started talking about their journey as a same-sex couple wanting to become parents, and how difficult it is. They’ve got one side, we’ve got the other,” explains JR.
“And that’s when we kind of just floated the idea: ‘If you want to create a family, and we also want to create a family, maybe we can help each other’.”
With Abbey as a surrogate, Anthony and JR now have two beautiful girls, Sofia and Adelina, both born at Frankston Hospital.
“Abbey lived in this catchment and we knew Frankston was going to be our hospital. And within the Rainbow community, there were whispers. Things like, ‘You should be in good hands. We’ve heard great things. It’s got the Rainbow Tick’,” says JR. “And it’s only gotten better.”
“The maternity unit were incredibly welcoming,” adds Anthony.
Despite the limits of COVID during the birth of first daughter Sofia, Anthony and JR were thrilled to both be present at the birth of both children and said that the Hospital worked with them closely to ensure this could happen.
While there was a surrogacy policy in place at the time, senior staff mentioned to Anthony and JR that it was an uncommon occurrence, and sought input from the couple.
“They came to us for feedback, and we gave feedback in relation to the surrogacy policy,” says JR. “What processes could change, what language could change, what our experience has been like, what we’ve learned from it. And that kind of helped draft an updated policy. Which looks really great, and we hope that others will benefit from these improvements.”
Since the birth of Sofia and Adelina, the family has relocated from St Kilda, to enjoy the Peninsula lifestyle.
JR works locally as an Alcohol and Other Drug (AOD) Counsellor, and Anthony, a Critical Care Nurse Educator and PhD candidate, came to work at Peninsula Health.
“My intention was always to work at a hospital close to home,” says Anthony. “But it just so happened to be a bonus that our experience as consumers was so positive, that I thought well, this is a place where I’d like to be as an employee.”
While there are no plans to have another child, Anthony and JR continue to advocate for surrogacy rights for same-sex couples. They made a submission recently to the Australian Law Reform Commission inquiry to the review of surrogacy laws, and plan to write a book about their experience.
Their advice to other couples seeking a family through surrogacy is to persevere.
“If it’s something that you’re contemplating, make it make it happen. We did. We contemplated it. We planned for it and we made it happen,” says Anthony.
“There’s always hope, and I think that’s really important to not lose that hope and to know that there are people out there who are altruistic in what they might be able to offer.”
